WHO AM I .......?
It has been a long and tiresome journey, so many ups and downs, sometimes in high spirit and sometimes downtrodden, I can’t look back and regret though I must confess it has not been easy, trying everyday to ease the confusion that reigns in my soul, as I journey to find a solution that will make me whole.
Who I am? I ask myself, … six people that live in me stand up tall to claim their rule over the helpless me, am pressed between thick walls and what I can’t understand is whether some are waiting to rejoice over for my fall, some are talking in tender soothing voices while others are shouting in rage yet convincing voices, I can’t help but cry because every time I try to give attention to only one of them, the rest make my life so restless, as I struggle with the feeling of worthlessness not counting the sleepless nights. Why lie, I am afraid to die before I see the light, before I get it right.
“Think” I shout loud to myself, wishing I could be in peace with the world and with the self? And before I get it straight, here it all start again, a voice whispers to me “aha, you claim you know the so called king of kings and prince of peace and yet every time you seem to seek in vain a relief to heal your pain?”
A still small voice calls my name, reminding that I should give Him my all…, all? I wonder, does that mean all my tears, all the years of pain, all my fears and worries about tomorrow, always being afraid that I may live in sorrow…
History? No, talk of my story, in me lives six people and every second that passes each demand’s my attention, all my life intentions depend on who I show my affection, though I must admit that some offer me infections while others show me the right direction. I met with each one of them and here is their story, first meet my Family, all they do is in the name of love, to them all they want is for me to have the best leave alone being the best to maintain the family name and that’s why every decision I make I must include them, career, social life etc.
Meet my second friend, the Self, I must admit he is one of a kind, always thinking of himself no matter what others think or say, sometimes he can do crazy things just to prove he can rule or he is in control. My third friend though not so outspoken he controls me slowly without my notice, i.e., the Society, he defines who I should be so he can classify me to a certain class, also through media and other ways he dictates how I should live, thus everyday I am in a rush not to find myself being the last. My “click of friends”, they are the ones I call my buddies, everyday I must keep up with what’s up in our world, so as not to be left out, they define a part of my life for at times I feel without them I can’t, they influence most the decisions I make and its hard to say NO to them.
Meet my fifth friend, the Devil, oooops! Did I say my friend, the devil? Yeah, I must admit this is so true, he lives, yeah so close that I at times hear his footsteps, though he was thrown out of me, he still follows me influencing every decision I make, whispers from him are enticing though if you listen to them you live to regret, he makes every bad thing look cool and if I decide not to follow him, he calls me a fool, making me feel like I am a loser.
Last meet my sixth friend, God. He defines who I am, He has my manual in the palm of His hands, He knows who I am and who I want to be, listen to Him and all the confusion ends. He is the way, truth and life, He makes me rest - assured that I’ll pass the tests. Trust Him if you want to be the BestLAWRENCE NJOROGE.
